An ode to unconventional beauty standards.

We have come so far and of course Newton’s Third Law supported they try to push us back. Now, We celebrate blackness! It’s like a Black Renaissance. In the grand scheme of it all, it is a beautiful moment but as living proof I have got to keep it real. I am so damn OVER the “I love blackness when its easy on the eyes” idea. I say idea because it is a false narrative and cannot exist in this way. In fact it is dangerous. Even sad that it mostly comes from our men.

MISOGYNOIR

Recently, Charlamagne from the Breakfast Club radio show, was under fire for a thoughtless comment he made about rape culture concerning he and his wife’s relationship. He apologized and said he would think more about the bigger picture before he speaks or something to that extent. He even called his wife and put her on speaker phone during the show just to have her testify. I can’t.

Just a couple Saturdays back, the Curly Girl Collective held their annual natural hair festival, CurlFest, in Brooklyn, NY at Prospect Park. It was nothing short of amazing  #BlackGirlMagic filled with love, positive vibes and good energy. I don’t care what anyone says, get a group of natural hair back girls together and its nothing but compliments, big laughs, and all around a good time (don’t forget our brown sugar and shea butter sweetness smell that fills the air).  The Breakfast Club hosted the founders of the Curly Girl Collective and Curlfest on the radio show the day before in NYC. During the show, Charlamagne yet again opened his big mouth without thinking. He made a comment about him not liking natural hair when its a small bush, he likes when its a big one.

One outside of the culture might possibly get away with personal preference, but I doubt it. So as a full fledged natural curly girl, what Charlamagne said does not fly and I’ll tell you why. Lets dissect the issue. Now just recently, black girls going back to their natural hair and wearing it that way has been a phenom. It’s empowering and beautiful and so many other things all at once that varies from each natural hair girl one to another. It is not an easy process especially when you are brave enough to do the Big Chop. Then once you realize what you’ve done, you have to care for your new found glory.

What they don’t tell you is how frustrating it can be. Learning what products work best when all your life you’ve used chemicals and products that weren’t for you and now you have so many options to choose from but they still aren’t necessarily for you either. The key is finding what your hair needs and doing just that on a routine basis. Natural hair helps with discipline. Its a sticktoitness that forces you to look yourself in the mirror and tear down all the lies and see beauty in you. Your hair becomes a product of you so you have to remember that its your crown and your duty.

I could go on forever about the beauty of the natural hair journey. It is so complex and profound, but it exists and I am sure will do wonderful without my further appreciation. So back to the the subject matter. Charlamagne was dead wrong for what he said. He had every opportunity to celebrate black women and the natural hair movement but instead he chose to make sure he got his one comment of disapproval in for the interview and that spoke volumes. First of all, what he said was completely unnecessary and unrelated to the topic they were on. This negative emotion is just one way that Black men choose to exert their insecurities onto women especially ones who are on their way to complete self acceptance and happiness. The things we say are a reflection of ourselves so I don’t blame Charlamagne’s bald head ass, but I do know that he is not the only one. It is not okay.

There is no room for negative opinions in the natural hair community. For so many years, black girl natural hair was ridiculed. Now girls all colors jocking our style and spreading the culture. Check Kim Kardashian or Kylie Jenner and see how they rock black girl style fresh off the runway and make money off it too. Times have changed and the hashtag #curlfest on your social media will be just a hint of the simple fact. The hope is that one day every girl every where will find joy in the body and skin that was given to her. Women all colors shapes and sizes are beautiful queens. The rooted epiphany will always be that individuality is what makes us beautiful and comparison is just a thief of joy. So whether I choose my itty bitty fro, whether I take time and make my hair real big, whether I rock straight back corn rows, my natural true beauty lies within and exudes to my outer surfaces. You have no right to tell me what you like in me. I know it’s just a glimpse into your sadness but that is not my issue. As a friend Travis once told me for all the haters, “Tupperware, you can have it!”

Let me just say I am completely comfy in my skin. Sometimes I may not feel as beautiful as the day before but I always come back to me. If this happens to you too then we’re not alone and I hope that you always come back to you. If you have not found your inner beauty and search for it everywhere but within, I suggest that you start there. You can always email or contact me on IG @styledbycsbnyc via dm if you need an ear to listen and help. I cannot promise that it is easy but I can promise you that you are worth it.

Celebrate the unconventional beauty in the universe!

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